show me the kingdom

I've been trying to find words for my heart in this past week. What to say, how to describe my burdens. The truth is, I don't think words would do it justice. You know when it says "the holy spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words" in the bible? That's what I think is going on in this heart of mine. The truth is, I'm so tired of this world we live in. I'm tired of having to see children abandoned or malnourished. Of seeing death and pain and suffering all around. Of people murdering people for a sense of pride. For a sense of power. What have we become? How have we convinced ourselves that to kill and steal and deceive is the way to find true life? How can parents see their children hurt and dying and yet do nothing for them? My heart fills with questions that all lead to the same answer. We are sinful. Not them, we. I am just as screwed up and sinful as the man who looks into the eyes of his children and abandons them. As the murderer, the adulterer, the liar. I'm just as deserving of death. But, I have hope. This world is not my home. I am created for the new earth, for the kingdom. "As for me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." I understand this verse fully for the first time. I am called to this earth. And I will serve in it, to give others the hope of His redemption and his love. That they were not made for this life and this world. I will serve, all the while begging Jesus to come tomorrow! Because I yearn for the day were there is no more suffering. My heart is crying out for my true home. But, I just have to trust the Lords goodness and faithfulness to His children.

"perhaps the circumstances causing my sorrows will not be removed and my situation will remain the same, but if Christ is brought into my grief and gloom as my Lord and Master, He will 'surround me with songs of deliverance'(psalm 32:7)" streams in the desert

"It tapped me on the shoulder today when I got home
I saw everything collecting dust
It made me hope there was something more
So I pour over pages desperate to find out why
The cripple at your table has what I'm longing to find

Teach me how to hum it
Because I don't know the words yet

Help me see the light, I'm reaching through the fight
Yahweh, show me the Kingdom
Arms open wide, death swallowed up by life
Yahweh, show me the Kingdom

Why are some women barren while the wicked's house is full?
The stories never seem to end, give me evidence I'm not alone
You said the weak would be lifted up but maybe just not yet
So while I wait in this flesh and blood, I'll learn to lean in"
The kingdom by Bethany dillon