a honking shirt

So listen, ever seen a kid that's so cute you tear up every time you see him? Yeah me either, before Arnold. Normally, I tend to overdramatize my reactions to things or what not when writing, its what writers do. But, I'm sadly not lying when I say I LITERALLY tear up every time I see Arnold. Which is, oops, two hours of every day. My tear ducts work out more than the rest of my body. He is five years old, has the cutest smile in all of the universe, his pants are too big, and yesterday he wore a shirt that had a truck on it. Yeah, when you squeezed the truck, it honked. I mean, cooommmeee on. Of course, I immediately cried. Who wouldn't.
These past two days though have been the worst, or best, I guess. Because his pants seriously are just too big for him. So he chases his friends in his little work boots, holding up his pants that are already at his knees. And, he loves to play on the swing. Oh sheesh, here come the tears just thinking about him. He just looks at me and goes "calame, Cait! Porfa!" (swing me Cait, please!) he did this yesterday with his baggy khakis and honking tshirt. At this point he was supposed to be going home so I said no. But, then he took five more steps towards the swings, smiled, and said it again with a little giggle. My strength was dwindling, but I stayed firm. Then he took a few more steps and repeated it. At that point, I told him he wasn't being fair because he is too cute. He jumped on the swing, kicked his feet a little, and smiled. Bah, who wouldn't give in! Of course I said yes and of course I pushed him for ten minutes. I mean seriously, that kid could convince me to do anything. If I do nothing else before I leave, I will get pictures of him!
And I mean, his name is ARNOLD. weeping.

show me the kingdom

I've been trying to find words for my heart in this past week. What to say, how to describe my burdens. The truth is, I don't think words would do it justice. You know when it says "the holy spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words" in the bible? That's what I think is going on in this heart of mine. The truth is, I'm so tired of this world we live in. I'm tired of having to see children abandoned or malnourished. Of seeing death and pain and suffering all around. Of people murdering people for a sense of pride. For a sense of power. What have we become? How have we convinced ourselves that to kill and steal and deceive is the way to find true life? How can parents see their children hurt and dying and yet do nothing for them? My heart fills with questions that all lead to the same answer. We are sinful. Not them, we. I am just as screwed up and sinful as the man who looks into the eyes of his children and abandons them. As the murderer, the adulterer, the liar. I'm just as deserving of death. But, I have hope. This world is not my home. I am created for the new earth, for the kingdom. "As for me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." I understand this verse fully for the first time. I am called to this earth. And I will serve in it, to give others the hope of His redemption and his love. That they were not made for this life and this world. I will serve, all the while begging Jesus to come tomorrow! Because I yearn for the day were there is no more suffering. My heart is crying out for my true home. But, I just have to trust the Lords goodness and faithfulness to His children.

"perhaps the circumstances causing my sorrows will not be removed and my situation will remain the same, but if Christ is brought into my grief and gloom as my Lord and Master, He will 'surround me with songs of deliverance'(psalm 32:7)" streams in the desert

"It tapped me on the shoulder today when I got home
I saw everything collecting dust
It made me hope there was something more
So I pour over pages desperate to find out why
The cripple at your table has what I'm longing to find

Teach me how to hum it
Because I don't know the words yet

Help me see the light, I'm reaching through the fight
Yahweh, show me the Kingdom
Arms open wide, death swallowed up by life
Yahweh, show me the Kingdom

Why are some women barren while the wicked's house is full?
The stories never seem to end, give me evidence I'm not alone
You said the weak would be lifted up but maybe just not yet
So while I wait in this flesh and blood, I'll learn to lean in"
The kingdom by Bethany dillon

you are...my fire

Backstreet boys, anyone? Today's post is dedicated to may favorite music of the moment. Don't worry, this won't be on the list. Though it has been in my head all day. Mostly, I'm doing this to appease myself. The thing is, I love sharing music with people and when I was in high school, I would use the precious five minute ride to Moe's for lunch to share my recent loves in music. No such luck in the hondyland. So, I'm sharing it with my faithful blog followers. Enjoy.

Of the singer/songwriter genre:
1. I Can't Make You Love Me/ Nick Of Time by Bon Iver. This is MY JAM.
2. Te Hill by Marketa Irglova. Weird name, great song.
3. My Father's Father by The Civil Wars
4. I'll Kill Her by Soko. Bahhh, such a classic song. Prepare yourself for laughter.
Also, I'd like to promote the movie, Once. It's an indie movie about two songwriters. If you don't love music a lot, youll hate the movie. If you do love music, you'll never want the movie to end.

Indie goodness:
1. Once soundtrack
2. Lonelily by Damien Rice...is he indie? Dunno, don't care.
3. Brooklyn Blurs by The Paper Raincoats
4. Safe and Sound by The civil Wars and...Taylor swift. Can't stand her, but this song is good. Don't worry, I don't consider her indie.

Never gets old type songs:
1. This Years Love by David Gray
2. nothing Better by The Postal Service

And if you happen to like Spanish churchman music as I'm sure all of you do, buy "Con Todo" by hill song without question and "Tu Haras" by Marcos Witt as well. I could continue this list for days, but the chances of any of you listening to all these songs are zero to negative two. But, I feel good about it.