Well, I am back in los estados for good, now. I have been back for approximately two weeks and it still doesn't feel real. When I went scuba diving, I described being under the water by saying that it felt like I was in another world. like i was a different person walking on the ocean floor. And, that is how I feel now. It doesn't feel like the Caitlin that is sitting in Starbucks sipping a Iced Mocha and typing this blog post is the same Caitlin who was driving around two weeks ago on the streets of La Ceiba searching for children sleeping on the street. I mean, how can I be the same person in such different places? How do i connect who I was in Christ in La Ceiba to who I am in Him here? that is something I have really been struggling with since coming back. That, and remembering to flush my toilet paper. I'm telling you, that will never feel normal.
Life seems the same here, but I am different. I feel unknown, undignified, and unraveled. I can tell a million stories and they won't even begin to sum up who I am. And even if they did, people can't understand the stories or feel the significance of them like I can. It's hard. But, I had a good friend remind me that even though I am in the States and comfortable, the Lord is still growing me and that these struggles are sculpting me into the woman He desires. I am being stretched for His glory. So, I can't run away or hide from the reality that I am in. I am not in Honduras. I am home. I am different. I have been changed. And now I must pour into my relationship with Christ and share my story for His glory and honor. I would appreciate prayers as I begin to process these truths.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
last week ponderings
I have four days left in Honduras. How did that happen. I'm very sad to be leaving the home, job, and community I have been blessed to have here. I love so much about this place and I never in a million years believed that I would feel at home here, but I do. I could definitely stay for another year, I think. But, that's my desire for myself, and not the Lords. He has made it clear to me that I am to return home and that is what is best for me. So, I'm seriously just relying on the character of my God and His will because I think if it were up to me,I would have already cancelled my plane ticket. That is not to say I'm not going to be thrilled to see my family because let me tell you, that's going to be a reunion like no other. I just really really love living life here in La Ceiba. That's all.
On funny, side note, I said goodbye forever to three people earlier this week that I have seen around town later on. This city is too small! Stop making me say goodbyes, La Ceiba! And also, many of the street children Kate works with have learned how to say "Caitlin, please don't go" in English. Seriously, you try leaving those precious faces.
Four days. Too many goodbyes to count. Dreaaadddd.
"Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you now dismiss your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all people, a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel." - Luke 2:29-32
On funny, side note, I said goodbye forever to three people earlier this week that I have seen around town later on. This city is too small! Stop making me say goodbyes, La Ceiba! And also, many of the street children Kate works with have learned how to say "Caitlin, please don't go" in English. Seriously, you try leaving those precious faces.
Four days. Too many goodbyes to count. Dreaaadddd.
"Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you now dismiss your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all people, a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel." - Luke 2:29-32
Sunday, April 8, 2012
siempre anda por la veinte
Before going on this retreat I mentioned in the previous post, Kate found a t-shirt that had phrases said in Honduras on it. She took a picture of it in hopes of learning what they meant at some point. Well, we ended up taking two cars filled with people to the retreat and so Kate spent the way there learning what they meant from our new friend and teacher, Jansen. Also, he may have been our driver the whole week because Kate hates driving her manual car for longer than ten minutes. He never knew what he was committing to by becoming our friend.
Anyways, turns out, we found a phrase that defines Kate perfectly. "anda por la veinte" is the Spanish version of "out in left field" and let me tell you, that is Kate. She is willing to admit it too, no worries. In fact, she admitted it within the first minute of learning the phrase. However, we both equally defined it when it came to our sense of direction in San Pedro. I'll give you an example:
One night, Kate was forced to drive her own car home because Jansen was going to his hotel. And we had no one to follow because Shannon had left early. It was the perfect storm. We left the church chatting and laughing about different things that passed throughout the day, until we both grew silent in thought at the same time. I knew we were both thinking, "hm, I don't recognize this road very much". We sat for a while until finally Kate declared us lost. Many roads, tear of laughter, and ten minutes later, we were back in the church parking lot, scrunched down in our seats with hopes that Jansen wouldn't see how pathetic we were. I wish I could say I kept my cool while we were lost, but truth is I was terrified. Up until Kate stalled out on a speed bump, then it was just plain hilarious. After picking up some randos from the church from Teguc who directed us to the main road, we were on our way........until we got to the neighborhood of the hotel.
The problem I think is that we realize we don't know where we are going at the exact same time and so there are no warnings. We are 100% confident until we have zero idea where we are. So, it takes a good amount of wrong turns. But, I think I can say with confidence that Jesus performed a miracle that night. Because we were again terribly lost in the neighborhood, until we were somehow directly in front of the hotel. With literally no idea as to how we got there. So yes, when it came to directions, we certainly define the phrase, "anda por la veinte"
Unfortunately, I think thats the only phrase we can use of the new ones we learned because turns out, we were taught what they meant. But, we were not taught which ones were appropriate. So, after Kate used a couple of them to the wrong people at the wrong time and received the wrong reaction, we might have to stick to what we know and risk sounding a little too gringa.
Anyways, turns out, we found a phrase that defines Kate perfectly. "anda por la veinte" is the Spanish version of "out in left field" and let me tell you, that is Kate. She is willing to admit it too, no worries. In fact, she admitted it within the first minute of learning the phrase. However, we both equally defined it when it came to our sense of direction in San Pedro. I'll give you an example:
One night, Kate was forced to drive her own car home because Jansen was going to his hotel. And we had no one to follow because Shannon had left early. It was the perfect storm. We left the church chatting and laughing about different things that passed throughout the day, until we both grew silent in thought at the same time. I knew we were both thinking, "hm, I don't recognize this road very much". We sat for a while until finally Kate declared us lost. Many roads, tear of laughter, and ten minutes later, we were back in the church parking lot, scrunched down in our seats with hopes that Jansen wouldn't see how pathetic we were. I wish I could say I kept my cool while we were lost, but truth is I was terrified. Up until Kate stalled out on a speed bump, then it was just plain hilarious. After picking up some randos from the church from Teguc who directed us to the main road, we were on our way........until we got to the neighborhood of the hotel.
The problem I think is that we realize we don't know where we are going at the exact same time and so there are no warnings. We are 100% confident until we have zero idea where we are. So, it takes a good amount of wrong turns. But, I think I can say with confidence that Jesus performed a miracle that night. Because we were again terribly lost in the neighborhood, until we were somehow directly in front of the hotel. With literally no idea as to how we got there. So yes, when it came to directions, we certainly define the phrase, "anda por la veinte"
Unfortunately, I think thats the only phrase we can use of the new ones we learned because turns out, we were taught what they meant. But, we were not taught which ones were appropriate. So, after Kate used a couple of them to the wrong people at the wrong time and received the wrong reaction, we might have to stick to what we know and risk sounding a little too gringa.
campamento
This week, I was in San Pedro Sula on a retreat with the church. Gran Comisión has this retreat every year where all of it's campuses come together for three days of Semana Santa (holy week) and worship/grow together. 4,000 people from 35 different cities in 9 different countries. I'm sorry, but that's awesome. It was just so cool that the church is obviously so big and such a huge community, but that we were all able to worship as one. And meet new people and celebrate in who Jesus is. That's mu favorite thing about a true Christian community. There is just such joy in meeting new people because you feel instantly united in Christ. It was definitely a time of new friendships, sadness, growth, worship, and seriously endless laughter. Oh and also, unintentionally always using inappropriate phrases in Spanish. More to come.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
pictures, pictures
i figured that while i have Shannon's computer, i mght as well post some pictures that I am unable to post on my iPad. As, I promised, I took a picture of Arnold and some other cuties that I get to see on a regular basis. Love them all so much. Here we go:
Above is cute little Maricela. She is a handleful, but she has got the cutest little giggle.
Guys, TOMS is reallife. Here all some kids with their TOMS and me. Hint: I'm the one with the holes in the TOMS, ironic no? The kids always tell me I need new shoes.
Danesi. I wrote about her a couple of posts ago. She is beauiful and terrifying.
I mean, can you get any cuter??
YES YOU CAN! Arnold. This guy. seriously??? Such a beautiful child.
Alejandra loves, loves, loves to swing. she is just so teeny tiny too.
Precious little kindergarteners.
makeshift hammock. inventive.
Katerin is a little super star!
Above is cute little Maricela. She is a handleful, but she has got the cutest little giggle.
Guys, TOMS is reallife. Here all some kids with their TOMS and me. Hint: I'm the one with the holes in the TOMS, ironic no? The kids always tell me I need new shoes.
Danesi. I wrote about her a couple of posts ago. She is beauiful and terrifying.
I mean, can you get any cuter??
YES YOU CAN! Arnold. This guy. seriously??? Such a beautiful child.
Alejandra loves, loves, loves to swing. she is just so teeny tiny too.
Precious little kindergarteners.
makeshift hammock. inventive.
Katerin is a little super star!
Saturday, March 31, 2012
scuba noobs
That's right folks, yesterday I went scuba diving for the first time in my life with my roomies. They were so sweet and took me as a going away present because apparently I'm leaving in two weeks. Whoops. I've heard going into denial is the best way to deal with reverse culture shock, so I'm going with that.
Anyways, we headed out to Cayos Cochinos, a chain of beautiful islands that I've snorkeled at before, to do an adventure scuba for us noobs that don't have our scuba diving license. IE Kate and me. HEYO. Needless to say, there were lots of laughs.
this picture is for Kate. I do not care for it as much, but we are on a boat and we are friends, so whatevs.
Me with the roomz. Gonna miss these guys. Seriously though, the water is more beatiful than the pictur is able to capture.
th wittle island we first stopped at.
Kate and I decided to wear the wetsuits since its cold in the water. Except really, i decided i needed it and guilt-tripped Kate into wearing it. She ended up taking it off before we got in the water and I might add, i saw goosebumps on her arm while we were swimming. victory is mine. But, here we are modeling our beauty.
so much laughter.
im just saying, the guy gave us all of this equipment that weighed so many pounds and then made us sit in the waves. We almost drowned in a foot of water because we kept being swept up by the waves and we had no way of controlling where they took us. but really, this trip was awesome. It's cray because it felt like such an out of body experience while I was down there. I was in a whole other world and it was so inexplicable. I absolutely loved it!
Anyways, we headed out to Cayos Cochinos, a chain of beautiful islands that I've snorkeled at before, to do an adventure scuba for us noobs that don't have our scuba diving license. IE Kate and me. HEYO. Needless to say, there were lots of laughs.
this picture is for Kate. I do not care for it as much, but we are on a boat and we are friends, so whatevs.
Me with the roomz. Gonna miss these guys. Seriously though, the water is more beatiful than the pictur is able to capture.
th wittle island we first stopped at.
Kate and I decided to wear the wetsuits since its cold in the water. Except really, i decided i needed it and guilt-tripped Kate into wearing it. She ended up taking it off before we got in the water and I might add, i saw goosebumps on her arm while we were swimming. victory is mine. But, here we are modeling our beauty.
so much laughter.
im just saying, the guy gave us all of this equipment that weighed so many pounds and then made us sit in the waves. We almost drowned in a foot of water because we kept being swept up by the waves and we had no way of controlling where they took us. but really, this trip was awesome. It's cray because it felt like such an out of body experience while I was down there. I was in a whole other world and it was so inexplicable. I absolutely loved it!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
today I had to...
Say my first goodbyes to some of the girls in Armenia Bonito, where I used to work. They were some of the first Hondurans I ever met. Point is, I hate goodbyes. And I have lots of them to say in these next couple of weeks. Shoot.
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